The Cost of Keeping It In: How Suppressed Emotions Harm Your Health

As a psychotherapist, I see it often: people coming in with deep exhaustion, chronic pain, autoimmune issues, anxiety, depression — and when we start exploring their stories, a pattern emerges.

It’s not just stress in the general sense. It's the stress of long-term emotional suppression.

Many of us learnt from a very young age that it wasn’t always safe to express anger, sadness, fear, needs or desires. Maybe you grew up in a home where being “good” or “easygoing” meant you got love and approval, and being “difficult” meant punishment, withdrawal, or being ignored.

As Dr Gabor Maté explains in his work on mind-body health, especially in When the Body Says No, the human child faces an impossible choice early in life:

Attachment or Authenticity.

• Attachment is the need to be close to and cared for by others — it’s literally essential for survival.

• Authenticity is the need to stay connected to your true feelings, instincts and needs — it's essential for health and a sense of self.

  
  

When a child senses that expressing anger, sadness, or neediness risks losing love or safety, they will almost always choose attachment. The cost? They learn to suppress their authenticity.

And that suppression doesn’t just affect your mind — it affects your body.

How Suppression Shows Up Later

When we continue to choose attachment over authenticity in adulthood, it often looks like:

• Not speaking up when you’re hurt or uncomfortable

• Always putting others’ needs before your own

• Bottling up anger, sadness, or resentment

• Feeling guilty for having boundaries

• Staying in relationships where you can't be fully yourself

  
  

You might look like you're coping on the outside — but inside, your body is under pressure. Chronic suppression keeps the nervous system in a state of high alert, fuels inflammation, dysregulates the immune system, and over time, can contribute to illnesses like autoimmune diseases, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, inflammatory bowel disease and more.

As Maté says, “When we have been prevented from learning how to say no, our bodies may end up saying it for us.”

Example

Imagine a young child who’s often scolded or shamed for being “too sensitive” when they cry. They learn to hold their feelings in, to 'toughen up'. Fast-forward 30 years: they struggle with back pain, gut issues, and a deep sense of loneliness they can’t name. Every time they feel overwhelmed, they disconnect from self rather than reaching out for support. Their body is carrying the weight of a lifetime of unexpressed emotion.

Or a woman who was praised for being the "helper" in her family, never asking for anything herself. As an adult, she finds it almost impossible to say no — even when she’s exhausted — leading to migraines, autoimmunity, burnout.

The Good News: You Don't Have to Keep Choosing Attachment Over Yourself

The people-pleasing, the over-functioning, the emotional stuffing-down — it made sense when you were a child. It kept you safe.

But you are not that helpless child anymore.

Today, you have choices. Today, you are allowed — and required, if you want to stay healthy — to choose authenticity.

Relationships worth having won’t punish you for being real. They won’t withdraw love when you set a boundary or express a feeling. They will make space for the whole of you — messy, angry, sad, scared, joyful — because that’s what true connection looks like.

Your life literally depends on it.

Keeping things in, day after day, year after year, doesn’t just erode your happiness — it erodes your health. Choosing authenticity is not selfish. It’s essential.

Why Authenticity Heals

When you choose authenticity, everything begins to change. Your body relaxes. Your mind feels clearer. You start attracting people who love the real you — not the version you felt you had to perform.

Living authentically means living closer to your own values. You make choices that align with who you are, not who you think you should be. You find yourself doing more of what brings you joy, energy, and meaning. You build relationships based on trust, honesty, and real connection.

Authenticity doesn’t just feel good — it’s vital for your health, your happiness, and the life you’re here to live.

A Gentle Invitation

In therapy, you can begin the process of reconnecting with your true feelings, needs, and wants — without shame, without judgment. It can feel scary at first. But you are not alone.

You don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode. You deserve to thrive — in your body, in your mind, and in your relationships.